After my daughter was born I threw my scale away. I hated it, and it made me unhappy – so off to the dump it went. I knew I needed to lose weight, I didn’t need a scale to tell me. That was 12 years ago. Now, I rely on my doctor’s visits to get an accurate weight – but in the meantime, my jeans tell me just how I’m doing.
Or so I thought. I can tell my weight’s been up a bit recently, but I wasn’t that concerned. Until I went to the doctor and saw the number on the scale! All the same feelings came back – and when the doctor came in and asked me how I was, I told him I was pissed off. Pissed off about my weight. He looked at his file, flipped back a page and said “wow.” Wow? Really? I asked if I was up a lot from last year. He said no – not from last year, but that I was up 5 pounds since the last time he saw me. At Thanksgiving!
What the fudge-covered-oreos had happened? Oh, maybe that? Actually he did ask me what happened and I told him that things had been quite stressful with my family during the holidays. He said to get used to it. Thanks. He also told me that once we hit 40, we tend to put on 3 pounds a year and that I’d have to work really hard to keep that from happening. Great. Oh, and to lose the 5 I just gained. Sure. And, ideally, get down about 11 all together. What??
Ok, then. Game ON. The next day I was at the gym taking a class. The instructor has the best music list. Lots of club remix-sounds of old songs. This day though, it was like the music was taunting me. It was all late 80’s and early 90’s music. All music from when I could wear a bikini, a skin tight dress, LEGGINGS. It just pissed me off even more. And, to make matters worse, all of the lyrics seemed to switch in my head: “Ice, Ice, Baby” was “Fat, Fat, Baby!” and “Can’t Touch This!” was “Don’t Touch This!” Ugh.
So now I’m basically pissed off for 3 reasons:
1. I’m fat (the BMI actually told me so)
2. I’m freaking hungry
3. I didn’t wear a bikini everywhere I went when I was 20.
I mean really, #3? Why didn’t I? Did I think I was going to have that body forever? I guess I did. Well, I’m warning you all now, if I ever get that body back, I just might wear a bikini everywhere. Parent-teacher night – bikini, grocery shopping – bikini, soccer practice – bikini…
Until then, I’ll be at the gym. Starving.